Obama DID call — but only when he couldn’t SHOW UP IN PERSON YOU BLITHERING TURD BUFFET https://t.co/6SIrHPxB13
Great stuff Donny, seriously hey can you help with the fires and the hurricanes and with EVERYTHING FUCKING ELSE YO… https://t.co/K5SATcUJKT
ANNIHILATION is tomorrow on Netflix. Unless we actually get annihilated. Fingers crossed! https://t.co/4X97OprZq3

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Werewolves and Lollipops

$14.21

"Thanks so much for coming out. I'm drunk, here we go!" Thus begins your magical date with the enchanting, beguiling, and utterly demented Patton Oswalt. Stand Up! Records is pleased as punch to bring you "Werewolves and Lollipops," now out on a limited-edition of five hundred vinyl LP, each shining jewel of comedic genius all polished up for your pure listening enjoyment.

Look, you already know that Patton Oswalt's awesome. His resume's amazingly impressive, boasting hundreds of stand up performances, a couple dozen movies (hell, he voiced the lead in a damn Oscar winner!), and television glory. He has literally tens of fans. We don't need to sell you on Patton. So, instead, we're going to whet your appetite with some choice phrases, fresh from the elfin filth-monger's very lips!

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