Dear Patton: Pouring bowl of Cheetos, re-sealing bag, eating Cheetos & repeating 'til bag is empty is why I don't exist. -- 80 year-old you
The poster for my 1/7/15 Boston show by @eyenoise is gorgeous and just $15! http://t.co/tKUqBrvhIS
Enjoy this tender, delightful moment from the upcoming season of THE HEART, SHE HOLLER: http://t.co/tD3LFzmqlk
Mike Nichols is at the back of Death's bus, smiling wryly, wondering what's next as he rides into the ether. #RIPMikeNichols
Wait, does this effect Dr. Julius Hibbert on THE SIMPSONS? Kinda not joking here...

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Werewolves and Lollipops

$14.21

"Thanks so much for coming out. I'm drunk, here we go!" Thus begins your magical date with the enchanting, beguiling, and utterly demented Patton Oswalt. Stand Up! Records is pleased as punch to bring you "Werewolves and Lollipops," now out on a limited-edition of five hundred vinyl LP, each shining jewel of comedic genius all polished up for your pure listening enjoyment.

Look, you already know that Patton Oswalt's awesome. His resume's amazingly impressive, boasting hundreds of stand up performances, a couple dozen movies (hell, he voiced the lead in a damn Oscar winner!), and television glory. He has literally tens of fans. We don't need to sell you on Patton. So, instead, we're going to whet your appetite with some choice phrases, fresh from the elfin filth-monger's very lips!

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