Stop asking me how I'm doing. I'm doing fucking great. "How're you going to do comedy with Obama in the White House? How're you going to make jokes about him? Is the state of comedy going to change? Are you worried, as a comedian? Are you...

I'm fascinated by John McCain. Forty years from now, some future James Ellroy (or Ellroy himself, if we can find a way to remove his head and attach it to an indestructible writer-bot) will write a "Millennium Trilogy", covering the Clintons, the rise and fall of...

Between March 5th and today I spent a total of 20 days in Staten Island, NY. FOUR separate times, while driving around late at night or, more often as not, when the dawn was breaking, I saw something weird through apartment windows. Hold on. I just realized...

Here's the actual speech I gave at my old high school on June 18th. Well, more or less. There were some extra, last-minute thoughts I threw in there. I think the core idea of what I was trying to say was unchanged. What a great group...

On June 18th I'm giving the commencement address at my old high school. They're located twenty minutes outside of Washington, D.C. They've got access to museum docents, Senators, Congressmen, political reporters and The Greaseman. But despite this deep pool of wisdom to draw from, they...

I'm writing this from my hotel in Providence, R.I. It's gloomy out and I'm fighting a fever. I wasn't as bad yesterday, when I showed up. I took a commuter train down from Boston. The cars were appropriately gloomy and empty, and the countryside grew more...

I've been assaulted with Top 5 lists these past few weeks -- books, movies, music, everything. Am I totally out of touch with the mainstream?  Here were my favorites for 2007: BOOKS   Warriors of the Spider-Jewel XVIII:  The Wizard's Claw G. Pheldon Blampleworth Well, duh.  Anyone who knows me probably...

Ever wonder how H.P. Lovecraft felt about Halloween? Think about this while you’re walking around tonight, feeling the Eldritch chill in the blandest of landscapes: The steeples are white in the wild moonlight, And the trees have a silver glare; Past the chimneys high see the vampires fly, And...