"What are you doing in the kitchen at 3am in the morning, Alice" Well, I remembered it differently. Proust bit into a madeline dipped in tea (or something very much like a madeline - isn't there some dispute as to the actual cookie?) and, upon tasting...

I’ve been watching a lot of these “It Gets Better” videos online. I’m glad they exist. I’m glad people are making them. I’d bet, if you could do some sort of poll, you’d find out that saying, “It gets better…” to a younger version of...

Brian Corman apologized to me. Flat-out admitted his thievery, his stupidity. Owned it all. Good man. Still makes me wonder what he might have done to become valedictorian — I mean, if he’s willing to steal material for something as inconsequential as a speech, how...

I need to apologize to a Denver, Colorado comedian/actor named Nick Madson. I apologize for calling you a "thief". Yesterday I wrote a blog - "THIEVERY" - about Mr. Madson who recited, verbatim, a handful of my bits at a headlining gig at The Harrison Hilltop Theatre...

A “comedian” named Nick Madson is doing huge chunks of my act. Here he is this past Wednesday, April 27th, at The Harrison Hilltop in Davenport, Iowa. In this first, delightful excerpt, he recites my bits, “KFC Famous Bowls”, “A Man Shaves His Balls”, “Physics for...

A young fan named Joshua Levesque wrote me last year, saying he wanted to get a tattoo of my George Lucas bit. I tried to dissuade him -- getting permanent ink of one of my jokes is like tattooing the lyrics to "Barbie Girl" on...

THESE PHRASES AREN'T INVITED TO 2010 Wow. A new decade. Yes, I know, technically, 2011 is the new decade, but guess what? NO ONE CARES. Okay, here are four phrases -- and the concepts they represent -- that I'd like to leave in the dying comet trail...

Jason Statham has never been in a great movie. He's also never been in a boring one. Statham's imdb.com profile, collectively, is a promise to you, the weary filmgoer. It's a promise that says, "I promise that you will not FOR ONE SECOND be bored during one...

I hate those lists that look back at the year, and arbitrarily pick the “5 best” of everything. Why not look forward, instead? Here’s what’s going to blow your mind this coming year: BOOKS History: A History Glenn Glelbglehn A chronicle of the start of the recording of history, to...

There's a floating, secret society of movies that includes such illustrious titles as RUNNING SCARED (the Paul Walker version, not the Hines-Crystal-Smits one), ANACONDA, and the immortal, why-hasn't-Criterion-done-a-release DEEP BLUE SEA. These are the kinds of movies where, while you're watching it, usually with a group...